Deadbeats

It was bound to happen one day of course, national exposure, a spread in a major newspaper filled almost entirely with my work.

If ONLY it hadn’t been the fucking Sport…

I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.

Gx

And there we have it. Well, there the UK has it anyway (although as it’s co-funded by C.B.C., no doubt our token colonial will have it on his maple leaf shaped screen soon enough; ignoring the fact that, with the rife torrent network anyone in the world with a broadband connection — say someone in Spain… ahem — can now watch whatever television their browser favours). So, what do we think?

I know that Thomson The Design — my frequent sounding board in matters Who related — has his reservations, but the general feeling here in Casa Deadbeats was that we have another interesting show to occupy us for the next few months. It wasn’t perfect of course, no show is from the word go in my experience. It takes time for a cast of characters to build into something we care about. Let’s not forget quite how… fine Doctor Who seemed when its first episode screened a couple of years back. Impressive, yes but nothing compared to what was to come. There seems to me a huge amount of potential to Torchwood, some nice dialogue, rounded characters and a premise that opens up storytelling possibilities with consummate ease.

The second episode was a little hampered by its sex driven plot — Bruve felt the ‘lesbian snogging’ gratuitous, we boys refused to comment; although the wanking club owner was televisual gold on our sofa, three boys of varied ages laughing like drains — and showed that Chris Chibnall has a good ear for voices, which is always the most important thing in my book.

I interviewed Chris for the LOM book and we talked of Torchwood (he’s more involved story-wise than Russel T. Davies in many ways) and I was convinced then that the show would be in safe hands. His enthusiasm and understanding of TV drama with a fantastical edge was unerring and a splendid, anorak-y conversation was had.

Let’s just hope it’s successful because, not only will it provide another interesting diversion for a Sunday night it’s also another step towards getting genre television thriving again here in the UK — and Matthew Graham is being no slouch in this department either, his recently announced Life On Mars sequel being only the tip of this man’s fantastical iceberg.

It’s getting to the point that a resolute fantasist may have places to tell the stories he likes and get paid doing it.

Beats the shit out of writing for Casualty.

So… yeah… big contract fell through and I am now officially poor. Can’t be specific right now because not everybody involved actually knows so it would be bad protocol but most of you that are aware of my plans of late can probably guess anyway (and that doesn’t mean ’shout out the specifics in the comments section’, my lovely dears, for the reasons outlined above).

So. I’m back to the drawing board as far as a career is concerned through until March when Book Two of LOM offers another cheque in my direction.

All is not lost, there are a few possibilities, a few ideas. What’s that? You want specifics? Oh…

Okay then. I’ve got a really nice kid’s book idea that’s been brewing since I went snorkelling off the coast of my closest town a couple of months back. If one were to take The Water Babies, Stig of the Dump and Amando Ossorio’s Return of the Blind Dead and mix ‘em all up you would be close to the plot that bubbles in my head. My current editor has offered to put me in touch with the children’s editor at S&S so I shall remain foolishly optimistic.

Until the restraining order…

One of the writers I met through working on the LOM book has recently set up their own production company and has promised to have a meeting down the line with a view to me pitching a few scripts. I shall therefore look forward to my TV début (as a writer of course, who can forget my halcyon acting days? Emmerdale, Where the Heart is… Where would the pleasure start?).

Right up until they throw me out of the office for wasting their time…

There still, in fact, seems a degree of enthusiasm for Deadbeat as a piece of Telly, so I look forward to bringing that particular vision to the screen.

Right up until they cast Dick and Dom in the main roles and change the club to a Jelly Bean factory in Leeds. Because they think their demographic would prefer it that way…

Also on the go: the makings of a Giallo story that may be a short novel, a particularly eerie novella called “Last Train Home” and a short story influenced by Lon Chaney, Sr.

A writer’s life, conflicted but never dull.

Gx

Hot? Oh yes. dabbled around the 40 mark for the entirety of our stay. No air-con at the Travelodge — very little at the Travelodge in fact, except a cheap air of seedy fatalism and a special needs chef who clearly ejaculated in my meal on the first night (something that in most ‘restaurants’ would put one off dining, here though it was a welcome seasoning to what would have otherwise been a decidedly bland meal).

It was a very productive visit though, after a hellish first day of travel and having a head full of editing the Garry Kilworth collection Humdrumming are releasing in a couple of months (it needed finishing so that we could get a proof out to Brian Aldiss who’s writing us a foreword). Most production staff clearly thought that the Life On Mars book was being written by a vague simpleton who had no idea what he was doing — which is not so far from the truth — but come Tuesday morning, I was able to instill a little more faith into proceedings.

Very little actual writing was achieved which is no great surprise — it’s a long day in television, 7:00–7:30 on average — but interviews were had (on the stairs to the prop department lav, in the BBC bar, the annexe of a church… we were varied in location) and many hours of filming were attended, photographed and documented.

I know lots of things about next year that you all don’t! Ha!

And no, I’m not telling. You’ll just have to bloody wait.

Tuesday, and it’s over to Matthew Graham’s (co-creator and main writer) for a steak dinner or maybe a fondue party.

I passed your offer of interior decoration on to Ms. White, HLOF; no doubt she will be in touch (although personally or via solicitor I couldn’t say).

Could everyone join me in wishing aforementioned gentleman a happy birthday by the way? It is to my great embarrassment that I forgot the date…

Sorry old chap, still, no great surprise is it? This is me we’re talking about.

Sigh…

Useless shit.

Gx

So then, off to the set of Life On Mars tomorrow for five days of Travelodge living, catering coach eating and general kicking around in the hope of gathering material for Lee and I’s Life On Mars — The Official Companion.

Yes, the title’s now confirmed. Lee and I always fancied using the title of this post rather than go the obvious route but Pocket Books are wiser than us in the way of the sell so, the Ronseal School of Titling it is.

Other than that justifiable change Lee and I seem to be getting a free reign with some of our more unconventional ideas for the book. Both Kudos and Pocket Books were up for this being a little different to your usual TV Tie-In (in fact that’s why Kudos got us involved in the first place). Obviously some early ideas were a little too revolutionary (no episode guide at all, lots of historical matter, weird graphics) but there’s quite a bit that’s made it through to this ‘confirmed’ stage that, on reflection, should make it a rather unusual affair. It has a fictional thread running through it for example and, having agreed that an Episode Guide really must be present we have found a fun way of doing it.

One of the slight disapointments to next week - and I mention it purely to stem the flow of redundant requests and/or violent suggestions - we are very unlikely to talk to either John Simm or Phillip Glenister. Obviously they will be interviewed for the book but probably by phone and in a couple of weeks time. This is due to their workload rather than any unpleasantness on their part (if you think about it, John Simm is in every scene; has to be of course, when you accept that this is something we are experiencing through him, like a story told in the first person nothing could happen without his presence.). We will be talking to the other regular cast though so, Saturday Swap-Shop style feel free to offer questions you wish us to ask via the comments to this post.

I reserve the right to ignore every crude suggestion towards Liz White and in no way guarantee to pass them on.

Unless they’re really funny of course.

Gx

Give me that baby, it needs my tongue.

So… yeah! Time for more words I think. Both Humdrumming and Deadbeat have been nominated for an award by the British Fantasy Society (best publisher and novella respectively). Thompson the Design and myself have built a mini-site here to publicize the fact, have a look it’s a bit silly. Tomorrow night we’re in London to kiss babies, press flesh and generally curry votes at the BFS Awards Showcase night. I’ll probably get too drunk and throw up on Christopher Fowler and that’ll be that door firmly closed to me in future.

The Organisation - the bizarre serial I wrote for a nutty Californian company a couple of years ago has returned via the medium of Blog thanks to the kindness of the blog-crazy John Evans (he set it all up then had to pull his network out of it as my naughty words caused issues with his sponsors!). I also feature on another of his blogs (the man earns one hell of a living out of this believe it or not, the network is huge) as it would seem I and the rest of the Humdrummers have been mistaken for a ‘celebrity’.

Ha!!!

It’s [link no longer available - I.A.M.] by the way.

Any assistance in spreading the word on both of these much appreciated of course…

Visiting the set of Life On Mars in a fortnight or so, the lovely Exec. Producer Claire Parker has even secured Lee and I an office to work from! Probably the bloody broom cupboard but the thought’s there.

Work has commenced already - it has to, the book needs to be completed and delivered in under a couple of months.

Jesus…

All go innit?

So how are you all?

Gx

So anyway, as I was saying…

Many times I’ve strayed close to making some sort of post here and yet the sight of three grown men circling in blog logic was so entrancing I hated to interrupt.

But no more.

Been busy. Get over it.

Humdrumming has over forty books scheduled for the next eighteenth months — some of which are allegedly down to me to write which seems both unfair and unrealistic but I’ll try and make it work.

Myself and Thompson The Design are working freelance for Kudos Film & Television producing books based on their shows (Life On Mars and Hustle). The plan is simple: we create them, they flog ‘em to the highest bidder.

We’re also looking at other spin off products: Mugs, Calenders, T-Shirts, Vaginal Douches…

It’s a living.

Oh yes. Really. For I turn full time hack in two months and counting…

Somewhere in there I returned to acting (one show only you’ll be pleased to hear), decided to emigrate and got engaged to the ever patient Debruvio.

Average few months really. Nothing to get excited about.

Okay, filthy assistants, resume your rambling…

Gx